It is for you...but not for us...

Dear blog readers,

It has been awhile. I have done little. Still unemployed. Not looking for a job.

Why does everyone have to give me the craziest look when I say I don't have a job and that I will be married in a year? I know what's going on with my life and I know my money situation. I, unlike most post-college transients, have no debt. In fact, I came out in the black. I also live at home and I am doing my best to save the environment (not driving. Although that aspect of my life is not purely altruistic. It's hard to justify driving anywhere unless I absolutely have to with gas prices groping the underside of $4 a gallon.) I am okay. My wonderful fiancee is okay with me enjoying my summer. I wish people would not look at me like I'm an idiot. I'm not.

I now walk for an hour everyday without a destination in mind. Surprisingly, it brings back many memories. It is amazing how, in the five years it took me to finish my formal education beyond high school, I completely forgot about my neighborhood, the place I grew up. I hadn't been down some of these streets for at least 3 years. Absolutely amazing. Most things haven't changed. Some have (and not for the better, in most cases).

Candy Cane Park is a vast disappointment for me. I used to play Little League baseball there and some of my fondest memories reside on that dandelion-covered field. The disappointment is in the disrepair of the field. The city will not allow the kids and their families to clean up the field. The weekend before opening day was, traditionally, a day for the league to pick dandelions, fix the fences and rake the field among other things. Unfortunately for the kids playing on the field, the Union of Professional Park Lawn Mowers has caused a ruckus. They say the pre-opening day spring clean is taking their livelihood away. Yet, the field sits in constant disrepair. You can't complain about not having work if you're not going to do it anyway. Unions have outlived their usefulness in some aspects. That's my rant.

Back to walking the neighborhood. Today I walked down streets I walked everyday for 10 years. I essentially walked my the route I traversed to deliver papers. (Ironic that I will be the one writing in the paper after so diligently and professionally delivering for so many years.) It was a walk down memory lane. It brought back some sad memories, as well. Memories of my dad driving me along, yelling at me because I didn't wake up quick enough, betting that I couldn't reach the porch from a certain distance.

When I have kids, even though it's a pain for the parents too, I would like them to have a paper route. Or just a job that teaches them responsibility. Although I bitch about losing my childhood to the route, I see that it shaped my work ethic and helped me develop a sense of money and saving habits. The downside, I now see, is that I am reluctant to travel; seeing it as a way to spend money while not making it. I feel uncomfortable thinking about being in debt, not having that safety valve of a bank account to back me up.

The Candy Cane Park trip (which was actually yesterday), recalled images of Little League; the games, the season-ending picnic (which every year only marked the end of the regular season for me because I was a perennial All-Star. No big deal.), the trophy ceremony. I miss being younger, but even more than that, I miss knowing my dad would always be there for me, whether I was being a little shit (which I often was) or if I was being a decent little/older brother (which was not so often).

Sorry for the trip down memory lane. If it bored you, I hope you stopped reading (which makes this message obsolete). Also, sorry for the lack of links. This isn't a particularly link-y post. Unless of course you hate the links, which in that case, you're welcome.

Note on the title: Title of an improv jam from an unknown (too lazy to get up and look) disc of King Crimson's 4-disc box set, The Great Deceiver. No one will get, no one is meant to.