One, Two, Doucheroo

I've been listening to Styx a lot lately and I've noticed that they're really annoying and pretty stupid. The music is great (until 1985), but they are idiots when it comes to talking at shows. It's just some of the cheesiest dialogue.

They try to announce their songs by some sort of clever banter and it just plain fails. Case in point. The song is great (kind of cheesy) and Tommy Shaw is just a bit of a dumb ass. I'm sure everyone was cringing in embarrassment.

Now, I know most front men in bands say some pretty stupid things. Pete Townshend has admitted publicly that he hates when Roger Daltrey talks onstage because he thinks he sounds like an idiot. I think people would do better to just keep their mouths shut and play some music. I've only heard a few musicians sound intelligent or funny when introducing a song.

I still love Styx.

Faster than a cheetah, dumber than Beyond Stupid

The first New Year's Eve without Quantum Leap has begun and it hasn't been all that bad. Only one problem: My back hurts from the drive to Chicago. I just hope it feels better by the time we leave for Sioux Falls. Yikes!

I can read so I must not be able to run fast. At least my little brother thinks so.

At Thanksgiving dinner we were talking about reading (nothing in particular, just generally) and my mom said, "It's a fact: Aaron doesn't read." And he responded with, "Yeah, but I can run fast." It was hilarious. There is apparently a direct correlation.

Howdy Doody!

So now you start to recognize that every path you see leads to a tear in your eye. So wave goodbye, wave goodbye.

My family's dog isn't in the best shape. We discovered a couple of months ago that she has cancer in her mouth and nose area. It's been causing a sort of green discharge (basically snot) to come out of her eye. Her hips have also been bothering her for about the last year. Unfortunately, it's all starting to bear down heavily on her. We're pretty sure we'll have to put her down in the next couple of weeks. I'm just hoping it doesn't have to happen while I'm gone in Sioux Falls for the first few weeks of January.

I've always felt that I would be the one to take her in with my mom. Especially now that Scott moved away. I know my sister wouldn't be able to help mom get through it. I'm not saying I will be much better, but I think I can do it. I would really like to be there so I can say goodbye in the right way, not a hurried I'm-going-on-vacation sort of way.

This will be my first pet that has to be put down and I'm just really upset about it. I've flushed fish down the toilet and, even though each one was named after me, it just doesn't seem to affect me in the least. Maybe it's because fish don't blink. They seem less than human, I suppose.

Every time I look at Piper I can tell she's not entirely comfortable and some days are just downright bad. But then other days are great. She'll play and try to attack my hands like she used to.

I think it's just hard to know when the right time actually is. My mom wants to take her to the vet before she actually puts her down, just to get a second opinion on how miserable Piper might be.

For a while I've been fairly nonchalant when people ask me how she's doing. I usually say, without a hint of remorse, "We'll probably have to put her down soon." Now that it's actually come time to do it, I've been having a harder and harder time. Every time I sit and pet her I feel horrible. I hate having to deal with death. Sometimes I just want to be the one to go. Just so I don't have to feel the emotions that are inherent in somebody passing.

Inevitably I start thinking about everyone that was close to me. I'll start to think about how my dad, grandpa, grandma and anyone else who has passed used to play with the dog. It's just hard and I don't know how long it will take me to get through the emotions. Especially if I don't get to see her one last time before she goes in.

I just love that dog.

Oooh it's a killing machine. It's got everything. Big fat tires and everything.

I've almost made it through December without a post. This could have been a disaster. I've just been too lazy to write anything. There is a lot to say, though.

I bought a new car. It's a 2007 Ford Fusion. I really like it. I'm just scared about money now. Ugh. I've never really been in serious debt before this and I'm a bit frightened. I'm sure it will all work out.

I went to Briarwood Ford for the car after a pretty wretched experience at Fischer Honda. I basically hate salesmen. The Honda guy was just really pushy and tried sooo hard to get me into a car that just wouldn't work for me. I wanted four doors and he kept pushing a two-door car. He basically ignored everything I told him and tried to get me into a car he was probably trying to push off the lot. I'm not interested in dealing with that kind of behavior. Also, the financing was maybe the worst I had every heard of. I figured out that I would be paying for the car twice over. Holy crow. I ended up getting a decent loan from my credit union and I was able to scrape together the difference for a down payment. All in all, what I'm paying for my loan and insurance for the Ford is what I would have been paying for the loan on the Honda alone. No insurance. So, I'm happy with my choice.

Gleet is basically gonorrhea. Not sleet made from gobbledy-gook. Nor is it the noise a goat makes from its secondary nasal passage.

Quagga is not the war cry of the Wa Tichi Indians. It is also not a member of quadruplets that is living parasitically in one of its siblings.

I will need three more posts after this one to hit my own personal monthly quota. I have to save some stories for those posts. Check back often.

In one ear and out your mother

One previously joyless holiday in the books and I must say it was somewhat enjoyable this year. I woke up on Friday around 7 a.m. and my first thought was, "This time last year I was already up for three hours and working for two of them." It felt great to be able to go back to sleep.

My car broke a couple of weeks ago and I have yet to get a new one. The prospect of paying the amount of money I need to spend in order to get a decent car that will last is a bit daunting. I hope to make a decision by the end of this week. It's been hard being car-less. Getting to work hasn't been too difficult but I've had to call in some familial favors. I hate asking to use my siblings cars. I'm not used to it and I hate feeling so helpless (which I am without a vehicle).

My fantasy football team sucks this year. It's very heartbreaking.

I'm ready for the new year to come already. I'm excited because Alexa and I will probably be traveling to Chicago to visit my newly relocated brother. It will be the first time we've really gone out to celebrate the new year and I hope it's as good as having Quantum Leap marathons. It might take a lot to beat that.

March of the Lor

There is no funny or even interesting story behind this post. I just felt like doing it. Here are some movies and T.V. shows I used to watch when I was younger.

The Dark Crystal. The good guys scared the crap out of me. Funny enough, when I looked up the picture I was scared. The bad guys should be creepier, but they're not. Other scary good guys. Maybe I shouldn't have watched this movie...

The Secret of NIMH. Don't let the horrible cover confuse you. I only watched good movies when I was younger.

The Land Before Time. I watched this before number two came out. And three, four, five, six....

The Little Mermaid. I got this for my birthday. I loved this movie. I even had Ursula for a Spanish teacher in high school.

Denver the Last Dinosaur. He's my friend and whole lot more.

Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys. Whatever happened to that show? Morning ritual before Sunday school.

X-Men. Of course.

Miami Vice. Don't worry. I never wanted a leisure suit. I just wanted to rock out to the Jan Hammer theme song.

There are others, but I don't want to bore. I watched a lot of T.V. as a kid.

The Black Web Is Spun

I subbed for a middle school science class at Honey Creek today. Aside from the obvious problem children (i.e. the ones who don't care about anything) the day went well. We watched a piece of Planet Earth in all four of the hours. I now feel I've memorized the 35 minute section we watched. This, however, was not a problem. The episode was about conservation of both animals and the planet's resources.

It was a nice change from the overzealous the-world-will-end-tomorrow-if-we-don't-change- now attitude of Al Gore and his followers. All of the people interviewed were extremely positive about the earth's chances while still extolling the mantra of change. Almost all of the people saw hunting as a viable means of making areas safe for humans and animals. Some of the people were fully immersed in the areas they were speaking of, lending credibility to what they were saying. They weren't simply talking heads from some university.

Another issue posed by the episode was: How can some countries still advance without encroaching on wildlife and destroying ecosystems? Once again, most of the people were very optimistic about the possibilities of achieving this sometimes contradictory level of stability. New technologies and advances in science have helped to make the possibility of human advancement and a much more healthy environment possible.

One conservationist was visibly annoyed with the many people around the world who simply see wildlife as something "cute and cuddly. Something they only see in magazines while sitting in their armchairs in their comfortable houses. While here, in Africa, people have to live next to these wild beasts who use them as food." Lions in Africa have learned to hunt humans as food, he said. The only way to protect the people and the lions, without fencing them into a designated area, is to hunt them. Hunting creates some sort of revenue for these developing countries while also helping to stave off the attacks on humans. These people are not encroaching on the lions' habitat, they are simply living where they've lived for centuries. The conservationist then said, "These people need to speak with their money or shut up. Because all they're doing is wasting a lot of people's time."

A professional hunter was also interviewed. He made some surprisingly valid points. He asked, "Why would hunters want to lessen the number of animals? We wouldn't have a job if we did that." These big game hunters are not trying to kill as many animals as they can. They are simply trying to feel the excitement of the hunt and make some money while they do it. Most of the money finds its way back to the local economy, helping to provide money for the economic advancement of the country. I'm not saying there aren't some people out there killing as many as they can, but some, if not most, are doing it responsibly.

I would assume that those man-eating lions are not eating humans just for the sake of eating humans. Either there is an overpopulation problem (which means not enough food) or humans are encroaching. Seeing as how these tribes haven't moved for centuries, I would go with the first option.

Another conservationist spoke on this problem. He admitted, though, that he did not know the right solution, whether it is right to hunt the animals or if they should be left to their own devices in terms of survival. He did say, however, that he's happy it's being talked about. He said that without a meaningful discourse on the subject nothing would ever be solved. I fully agree with this sentiment.

There was this business first douche they interviewed. Everything he said was about the bottom line. Even if any of it was intelligent or valid, I still wouldn't have been able to take him seriously. Oh, how I loathe these bottom-line, corporate hacks.

I'm not sure where I stand on all of this yet. I'll need some more time to think about it, but the information I gathered from this DVD has gotten me interested in what can be done about conservation, animal and environmental. It's been a productive day of subbing.

I wanna feel your body breaking. Wanna feel your body breaking and shaking and left in the cold.

I'm just glad I don't have to watch another campaign commercial.

The Colony of Slipperman

This post is another one to fill my four-a-month quota. I'm ashamed to say that I've been slacking. Hopefully you will enjoy these photos.

This is Scampi. I love you Ashley.








This is me "blogging."








Smap.








Tired, anyone?








Blogging? Nope. Listening to a funny song.

Her hair was colored bright and she had white marble eyes. She will die.

So...I'm working all day next Tuesday. Am I going to vote? Probably not. Why? It's a sham. My vote for the president doesn't count. No matter how many celebrities, talking heads and friends tell me it does; it doesn't. The electoral college chooses the next president. Sure they "pledge" to vote the same way the people of the state do. It's baloney. They're human, too. And, so far, I haven't met anyone who doesn't have a clear idea of who they want to be the next president. I'm sure the people of the electoral college are in the same boat. People will do what they want. No one can stop anyone on the E.C. from voting whichever way they please. These people are called faithless electors. There have been 174 of them in history. Now, this number may not seem like a lot, but I figure one who changes their vote is one too many. How am I supposed to have faith in these people? They're just as bad as the people running for president.

I don't feel strongly enough on any of the other items on Michigan's ballot, either. Why should I take the time to vote? I'm working from 7:45 a.m. to about 6:00 p.m. Then I have to make the annoying 20 minute drive home. My vote won't sway who becomes president, anyway.

"But, Kevin, it's your responsibility as a citizen of this country to vote," you say.

Okay. It's my right to vote. Sure. It's also my right to have a pet giraffe. Doesn't mean I have to, though.

Rights don't necessarily go away if I don't use them. Maybe I'll vote in the next election. Maybe I won't. We'll see if there's anything I care about in that one.

Also, Congress could have pulled us out of this war long ago if they were so inclined. I know George Bush went over their heads to get us in this war. But Congress could have slapped him with the big balance of power thing.

I feel like I've been holding my tongue for fear of offending anyone who doesn't agree with me. Frankly, I'm a bit tired of it. My past experiences have led me to believe that even my opinion doesn't count one bit. Any time something has come up I don't agree with I usually clamp my mouth shut and refuse to say a word because I know the person who is "talking" about whatever issue doesn't want to have a discussion. They simply want to let everyone know how they feel. I don't give a shit about how other people feel. Yet, I'm subjected to the constant torture of having to listen to views I completely disagree without having a chance to defend myself. If I offer my dissenting opinion I'm shouted down. More often than not with an insult or two aimed my way.

My understanding of the definition of a douche is: someone who is extremely full of himself (almost always male), whether it be about his body, mind or both. This is a douche. He might be funny, but he's still a douche. This is also a douche.

And what's the deal with campaign spending? All parties are guilty of it. Obama had a 30-minute commercial airing on Fox, NBC and CBS last night. It was even on Detroit's local Spanish language channel. It cost him $3 million. Oh wait, I'm sorry. My mistake. It cost his donors $3 million. Couldn't (and shouldn't) that money be shunted to more important things affecting this country. Imagine what $3 million dollars could do for a school. Or a library. If anything, it should be given to the government to go against the national debt. I know it wouldn't make even the slightest dent, but why is it going into the ever expanding coffers of three of the four major TV networks. Holy crap! It's not just him, but it is a fact that Obama has spent the most on advertising in the history of politics. This is opening a door that should never have even been found. The next presidential election will, no doubt, have even more astronomical advertising costs. Give me a break!

What's up with celebrities? Why do I need to know or care what you think about politics? Just because you have money I'm supposed to care that you think Sarah Palin is something out of a "scary Disney movie?" Seriously? I know I don't have to watch clips of what these people say, but why do they even say it at all? They are surely trying to sway the way people think. And some people will listen. Grow a brain! Think for yourself. Figure out the issues and figure out which way you want to vote. "Rock the Vote?" Why should I listen to Diddy? All of these people are out there trying to push these political views on us. It's ridiculous. In 2004 there was a huge tour with many bands. The sole purpose of this concert was to push people to vote for Kerry. This year Bruce Springsteen was at Eastern Michigan University for a free concert. Turns out he played for about 30 minutes, then went on a tirade about McCain and told people to vote for Obama. (On a side note: I believe if you like Bruce Springsteen you shouldn't be allowed to vote.)

Why are second graders wearing political t-shirts? Oh my God! They can't even vote. Some of them can barely read!!! But I'm so glad their parents feel it's necessary to have them wearing a shirt about a candidate they surely know nothing about. Or, if they do know something about him, they aren't getting a fair picture. They're listening to what their parents are saying and simply agreeing with them. Oh boy...and we thought only conservatives "brainwashed" their kids.

Socialism (as defined by m-w.com): 1: any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods.

2 a: a system of society or group living in which there is no private property b: a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state.

3: a stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between capitalism and communism and
distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done.

Communism (as defined by m-w.com): 1 a: a theory advocating elimination of private property b: a system in which goods are owned in common and are available to all as needed.

2 (capitalized) a: a doctrine based on revolutionary Marxian socialism and Marxism-Leninism that was the official ideology of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics b: a totalitarian system of government in which a single authoritarian party controls state-owned means of production c: a final stage of society in Marxist theory in which the state has withered away and economic goods are distributed equitably d: communist systems collectively.

A wisp of gossamer is all that remains

Alexa and I took our engagement pictures last Saturday. I had a really good time doing it, too. Usually I hate being in front of a camera. I think it's mainly because I hate the way I look in pictures (see: too stiff, fake smile, just plain uncomfortable). It was nice to have someone else to be in the pictures with. And we were able to be ourselves to some extent. The person taking the photographs is a friend of Alexa's, which just made the experience much more enjoyable. Also, the pictures aren't all artsy-fartsy and we didn't have to go into a studio. I think I kind of dislike studios.

Never let your child smoke cigarettes. When they say it smells good the correct response is not "here try it" in the hopes it will turn the kid off smoking. It apparently doesn't always work.

I can play six chords on the six-string guitar. Thank you, Melany, for a great present.

Deleted scenes on "The Office" might be the best part of the show. Without them I would never know that Confucius says, "Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day."

I'm picking up substitute teaching jobs left and right. I just hope no other kids deliberately pee their pants.

9 days until the beard makes it's triumphant return.

Can you see the two mistakes in the previous sentence?

My hand is in my pocket.

I hope you left enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break you god damn s-s-spine!

I did my first bit of substitute teaching today. It was at Honey Creek for a K/1 classroom. For those of you not in the know, each class has split grades (e.g. K/1, 2/3, 4/5 and middle school). Little kids are difficult sometimes. I can't wait to sub the middle schoolers and high schoolers.

The one thing I did like about the younger age group was that if I raised my voice just a little bit they would quickly quiet down and listen to me.

The first half of the day went well. I had no idea what I was doing but many teachers poked a head in and told me that if I needed help they would gladly give it to me. I really appreciated that. Especially since I needed to call on one of them later in the day.

I knew half of the kids from my time at aftercare, which I'm sure helped. Most of the kids I didn't know I barely had to speak to. The more structured times of the day seemed to work best. They all complained about doing work, but they all seemed content to do it.

At lunch a child, LK, showed up. If you know who I'm referring to you may know that the day did not continue on its smooth course.

After my relaxing lunch I went to pick up the kids from recess. Right away LK was creating trouble. TH was supposed to be the caboose of the line but LK would not let him be at the end. He just kept circling around TH. I already knew I was in for a trip. When we arrived back in class things seemed to be fine. Word Study (structured) went smoothly. However, when Free Choice Time (extremely unstructured) came around things went to Hell.

LK kicked things other children had built, almost got into fisticuffs with another student and just ran out of class. I employed the help of Jeanie, the instructional assistant next door. Without her I may have gone nuts.

With LK out of the room I was able to restore order and finish the day without too much of a problem. TH tried to kiss girls and would not keep his hands to himself, so he finished most of the rest of the day in timeout. Timeout is the greatest invention. Ever. I hate to say it but I was getting a real kick out of disciplining the children. Nothing is better than wielding the awesome power of timeout. Also, I've been told, being a male instantly strikes fear into the hearts of children. I will admit to seeing a look of "I just shit myself" when I raised my voice and got stern with the kids.

I worked aftercare after the subbing and I must say I think I enjoy it a bit more. Recess is my favorite part of the day and aftercare is one big recess.

I started reading a book called "Fairest" by Gail Carson Levine (she wrote "Ella Enchanted") at the suggestion of a camper, NK. This girl is reading at least three books at a time. I told her I would read a book at the same time as her and we could talk about it. She seemed genuinely excited to do this project with me. She even reminded me last week to get the book. I enjoy being friends with these kids and I think by doing so I'm making them happy and turning them into better people. Of course, my influence probably doesn't go anywhere near that far, but I'd like to think so.

As I was leaving I was given a hug by NK. It threw me for a loop at first, but I was pretty tickled with the experience. It was nicer than being hugged by a little kid because they seem to hug everyone. Coming from an older kid it was a genuine act of, for lack of a better word, affection.

Also, last weekend I went up north to a friend's cabin in Millersburg, MI. It was pretty great. Since it was fairly cold we ended up watching five Arnold Schwarzenegger movies over the course of three nights. Arnold has been in some of the greatest movies. T2 and Total Recall are must-see fare.

On the way up my buddy's GPS unit told us to go down what we later dubbed Serial Killer Alley. It was the single-most scary event of my life. I really thought we were going to killed by either a deer or a serial killer. I had never experienced total blackness like I experienced in Millersburg. While driving down Serial Killer Alley, which is about 15 miles of ATV trails posing as roads, we both freaked out to the point of just driving in silence. Each turn was a blind turn and we could not see past the brush/trees on either side of the car. The stupid GPS even told us to turn down a road that did not exist. I truly thought I would shit myself. As we slowly made the turn we realized that there was no road and we could have ended up in a ditch or worse.

We left the same way on Sunday during daylight hours. We just had to see what it really looked like. I now realize I was acting like a complete idiot to be so scared.

We also made a trip to the Ocqueoc Falls, just north of Millersburg. They weren't super spectacular, but they were definitely nice to look at and they provided us with an hour and a half adventure of following a pseudo-trail along the river.

And Onaway, MI was dubbed, by us, America. It is America personified.

All in all, I've had a fairly eventful four days.

I prefer the movie...

I hate when people are asked what their favorite book is and they reply with, "I prefer the movie." Drives me nuts. Sometimes I think America is deliberately becoming illiterate. Here are some books I love and would recommend to anyone. That is, unless you prefer the movie.

The Final Season by Tom Stanton. I just recently finished this book. It's about the final season at Tiger Stadium. In Detroit. Not Louisiana. There is a book about a season at LSU's Tiger Stadium. Completely different. This book was about more than baseball. It told the stories of many people who basically lived at Tiger Stadium as well as the author's relationship with the stadium, his father and his sons. Very good book.

Hate Mail From Cheerleaders by Rick Reilly. This guy is just funny. He used to be a columnist for Sports Illustrated, but has since moved to ESPN the Magazine. His columns are still great. The columns have sports as a backdrop but deal more with individuals. This book is a collection of his columns.

Luckiest Man by Jonathan Eig. This is Lou Gehrig's biography. This man was amazing. Even though I knew what happened at the end I was still feeling emotional when I got there. Just a great read.

Insomnia by Stephen King. This is not a horror book. Which is probably why I like it. Stephen King, while known as a horror writer, is a very good fantasy fiction writer. I don't remember a whole lot about this book other than it was good. I should probably read it again.

It by Stephen King. This is a horror book. Scared the bejeezus out of me. This book along with the movie made me afraid to take a shower for weeks. I showered, but it was probably the fastest shower I'd ever taken. The damn bad guy is a clown. Just creepy. And the only people who can see it are kids. Scary book. Read it.

The Eyes of the Dragon by Stephen King. This is another fantasy book. It's kind of wild coming from Stephen King. It has magic and dragons. I've read this book about four times. It has some ties to the Dark Tower saga by Stephen King. I would have added that one too, but the last three books were a major disappointment. Anyway, Eyes of the Dragon is a very quick and enjoyable read.

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. Nothing needs to be said about this one. Classic.

The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander. This is where the Disney animated classic The Black Cauldron came from. The Black Cauldron is book two in the series but the movie takes things from three of the books. It's just a great fantasy adventure. Although written for kids, adults can easily get a kick out of it. It won't take too long to read and it's fun.

There are other books I like, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend them to everyone. If you want more, let me know what genre you like and I'll try to recommend some.

Are you all seated too comfortable, too square on your botty? Then I'll begin...

There has been some clamoring for more blog posts. So here goes.

I've been getting more comfortable with the kids at H Crizzle. They seem to like me. I've even decided to read a book and talk about it with one of the kids.

The subbing still hasn't started, but I'm not too worried. We'll see what happens with that. I will be subbing at H Crizzle in October. Here's some advice. When your phone is your alarm clock, make sure it's on ring, not vibrate. I missed a subbing opportunity last week because I had my phone on vibrate. I felt like a boob.

The Tigers are playing possibly their last game of the season today. It's been a disappointing season. They weren't even .500. I will now toot my own horn. Long before the season started I knew the Tigers would suck. There is no way you can bring in three new players, one of them old and two coming from the less talented National League, and expect to win. Dontrelle Willis' numbers were faltering in the NL (his walks were way up, as was his ERA). Miguel Cabrera had never played in the northern market at the beginning of the season, which is always frigid. And Edgar Renteria is just too old. And the pitching has just been horrendous. Todd Jones was his usual unpredictable self and when he was injured Fernando Rodney became the closer. It has always amazed me that the Tigers have any confidence in this guy. He's never had any control. Ever. He blew six saves this season. That's six potential wins for the Tigers. As of today before the game has ended the Tigers would be 80-80. Instead they are six games below .500. I know you can't win every game and I know you can't save every game, but it's ridiculous how Leyland continues to shower him with compliments. He needs to know the limitations of his team. That's his job.

In happier news, Leyland has named Brandon Inge his third baseman for 2009. I'm not going to get my hopes up too much because Leyland has a habit of contradicting himself. He often says one thing and does another. I could say more but I feel like I'm ranting.

Even more happy news, Matt Millen was fired and Todd Jones retired. A decent week for Detroit sports.

Alexa and I have met with two caterers. They both seemed pretty good. We'll have to talk about it some more. We should make a decision within the next couple of weeks.

What's your name again?

I've been learning the names of about 40 little children over the past two days. I know most of the names but I don't know what face they belong to. Working at a school can be difficult.

As a new staff member at Honey Creek I've come to realize that I'm not horrible with kids. Also, they don't scare me anymore. They just exhaust me. After only three hours of running around with them I feel like I'm about to collapse. I've really been enjoying it, though. Most of the kids seem like genuinely decent human beings. Hopefully they'll continue on that track.

I've also discovered the next great quarterback. This kid has the worst mechanics, but he can chuck the ball. It has a perfect spiral, some zip to it and it hits me right in the chest every time. I really hope he continues on that path and finds success. He's also a pretty decent soccer player. However, I know nothing about soccer and, frankly, I can't stand the sport. But this kid has some skills.

I don't know any of the parents yet. It's kind a struggle when the kids leave because I'm supposed to sign them out. If I don't know the kid's name how can I sign him/her out? I've employed the help of some of the kids. I've already found the really helpful ones.

I've also found a group of kids that love chasing me and telling me I need to shave my arms. I'm definitely not ready for children.

In other news, I'm still waiting for the substitute teaching company to contact me. I'm going to call them tomorrow, I think, to make sure nothing was lost. I'll also be subbing at Honey Creek, which is cool.

A friend of Alexa's turned me on to a different job opportunity recently, too. I'm going to apply, for sure. It's a science writing position at U of M. I would be writing and editing things for a newsletter about the Great Lakes and how their resources can be used. It's only part time, though. I'll probably be working about four jobs for the next several months until I'm married and I can figure out where the hell I'll end up. I could be freelancing for the Saline/Milan papers, subbing/after caring at Honey Creek, subbing for PESG (the subbing company), and writing science things for U of M. Hopefully that would take care of all my bills (which isn't much) and allow me to save some money for married life. I don't really like transition periods.

All in all, though, life is running fairly smoothly. Kids are a trip.

Patriot Day?

Where was I when the World Trade Center collapsed? I was in the Ypsilanti High School Library.

Did I make a comment after the second plane collided with the building? Of course I did.

What did I say? "It's been bombed before. It won't fall down."

Who did I say it to? Everyone.

Was I wrong? Yes.

Do I regret saying it? No. I think it's turned into a funny story. Not the planes colliding with the buildings. That's not funny.

P.S. My post about music is taking longer than I thought it would. It's coming. Don't worry.

To breed or not to breed...

I don't want to have kids for a few years after I'm married. I've talked with Alexa about this and she agrees with me, thankfully.

My parents had my older brother less than a year after they were married. Not that it ruined their marriage, but I'm sure they wished they had had more time together as a young couple without having a child around. I know I'm going to want to do things with Alexa that won't be as easily done with a kid. I'd like to travel a little bit, feel free to move if we have to, just enjoy each others company.

When a couple has a child all the attention is focused on the it. There is little time for each other, which is why, I assume, most people get married. You want to spend more time with that person, get to know them better, become better friends. Children get in the way of that.

It might be selfish of me to not want kids for these reasons, but it's important to me. I'm sure my parents were looking forward to being able to spend time together without us. Unfortunately, my dad didn't make it that long. I don't want that to happen to me. If I die when I'm 42 I want to know that I had some fun with the woman I love before responsibilities came crowding in.

I look at one of our couple-friends and I see how great they get along and how much they're enjoying the freedom that comes without having a child. I want to experience that before I experience the supposed joy of having progeny.

There is also the financial burden of having a little parasite. I would like to establish myself first, save some money, then procreate.

I look forward to having a kid, I just don't want to do it yet.

Teaser: The next blog will be music related.

This is a cool link (mainly intended for Aaron of the Aaron-faces and Ned of the Nucking Futz, even though one of them doesn't read the blog).

Sunshine Superman

If I could choose a genetic mutation (non-superpower) it would be the ability to stay awake and never feel tired. I love sleeping, but I also hate sleeping. When I finally do go to sleep I sleep a lot longer than I want to.

There's just so much I want to do and I feel like I have no time to do it. I want to read as much as possible but I also want to watch a lot of movies. I want to learn how to play guitar and bass guitar but I also want to spend time with my fiancee. Often these things cannot go hand in hand. When I'm married, though, I will be able to consolidate two of those things.

I enjoy staying up late because it's quiet, which is something I rarely get when I'm at home because there are so many people going in and out and the dog is constantly pacing. When everyone is asleep I feel like I can accomplish the most. However, I run into another roadblock: I can't do anything loud. So it's hard to watch movies or play my guitar. This leaves me with lots of nighttime reading time. Of course, I won't complain about that because I love reading, but I don't always feel like reading at night. I just wish I could forgo sleeping for a year without looking like this. Instead I would like to look like this.

I just learned how to play an amazing Steve Hackett solo on the guitar. The solo part is at 5:37. I would recommend listening to the entire song, though. It's pretty great.

While looking for my fitness picture I ran across this. Just plain awesome.

Just out of curiosity, I would like to know who reads this blog. If you read it please comment on this post. Of course, only do this if you want to. No obligations, no fees. I'm merely curious. Good thing I'm not a cat.

Mr. Pitiful

I found out today that I did not get that sports writing job in Saline/Milan. I'll continue freelancing for both papers (gotta keep my name out there and make some money on the side). I'll be substitute teaching in the fall/winter in Washtenaw County. I figure it will be a fairly low-stress job (hopefully) and it will be easy to get out of if I find a writing job. My hopes aren't high, though (about the writing).

I wasn't disappointed, initially, about not getting the job. I figured after two weeks of no contact from the editor I was pretty much out of the running. I e-mailed her once to find out if she had come to any decisions. She hadn't at the time.

It turns out the person who got the job is a 2004 Saline High School graduate by the name of Jana Miller. I think it's great that a female is writing sports. It adds a completely different perspective to story choice, game coverage, etc. That's not what disappointed me. It's the fact that she's younger and seems to have less experience than me. I kind of feel that she got the job because she's from the area. I know more qualified people were interviewed and they didn't get the job. It's just a bit of a heartbreak for me because I always thought experience was what got you ahead.

I also feel a bit cheated. The previous sports writer had a lot of experience and was able and always willing to lend a hand if I had a problem with some of my writing and provided a critical eye for my writing. He was always able to provide some feedback for me, whether positive or negative. I don't know if I'll be able to take what this new reporter will have to say about my writing to heart.

One good thing is that I don't have to work under the editor of the paper. She's a bit of a scatter-brain when it comes to planning. She often gives me story ideas three days before they're due and wonders why I haven't been able to accomplish every story. It's not the easiest thing to call someone and set up a meeting with one day's notice. I guess I can count my lucky stars for getting me out of the frustration of having her as my boss.

I know I'm not the best writer. I also know I'm not the worst. I think I'm somewhere in the middle and it kind of hurts whenever I realize/remember that. It's the story of my life. I've never been the best but I've never been the worst (on an individual level. I have been the worst in team things.).

My confidence has been lowered. Not demolished, just taken down a couple of levels.

While watching the Tigers game today I realized where the phrase "right off the bat" comes from: baseball. Think about it.

Getting a life in the dreamer's dream!

I have been living an uninspired and uneventful life the past two weeks.

I attempted a feature story for the Milan News-Leader but the woman I needed to talk to never returned my calls or e-mails. I'm quite disappointed. Of course, this story was for the newspaper I interviewed for. It can't be a good mark for me.

The Olympics have been going on for a little while now and I have found myself watching footage for more than a few hours a day. I even watch it on foreign channels. I'm not interested in the sports and I can't understand what's being said, but I have nothing else to do.

Before the games began I was sure I wouldn't watch any of it. I didn't watch any of the 2000 or 2004 games, so I figured it would be more of the same. However, I have found myself cheering like I haven't cheered since 1996. I have become a Phelps Phan (sorry Aaron, Ashley and Alexa, my three A's. I know you hate misspelled words for the sake of making it seem cool and trendy). I just watched the women's gymnastics team lose to China. Two gymnastics finals, two gold medals for China. At least the U.S. has been able to win some sort of medal in that event.

I'm sure it helps that a certain Detroit baseball team has not given me anything to cheer about. In fact, I can't even sit through a game anymore because the pitching staff is just so wretched.

I must change the topic before I begin a rant.

I've been playing Pokemon a lot. I've gotta catch'em all. It's driving me crazy.

I recently became acquainted with a guitar pick. It's opened new worlds for me on the bass. Of course, I'm still not very good but I'm able to do so many more things. I can play fast now. But not this fast.

In a rush

I just watched two great fantasy movies today: Prince Caspian and The Spiderwick Chronicles. I strongly recommend both movies. Even if you've already seen them, watch them again.

No updates on the job. Apparently they are still interviewing people. I'll be doing at least one story for them this weekend because the original sports writer's last day was yesterday. I hope any writing I do for them will help to sway their decision in my direction.

Not a whole lot has happened since I blogged last, but I needed to blog at least one more time this month so that I would have four blogs each month.

I guarantee my next blog will be better.

The Looming Future

My immediate future is a bit daunting right now. There are many possibilities and I'm not sure I'm prepared to tackle them in the short amount of time I have.

In less than ten months I'll be married. I still have to decide who will be standing in my wedding. This seems like a small thing and I'm sure I'm putting too much thought into it, but I want the people standing with me to mean something. I've grown apart from most of the people I would have considered from my high school years and I have not made any REALLY good friends while in college. I have becomes friends with some pretty great people, but I don't feel especially close to anyone in particular. The only person I feel comfortable telling everything to will already be standing at the altar with me (and I don't think she'd look too good in a tuxedo.) The decision will have to be made soon. I await my decision with great anticipation.

My main problem has been my lack of drive to put the effort into becoming great friends with anyone. I'm far too critical of people and I always feel that my friends mean more to me than I do to them. This feeling has definitely made it hard to decide.

Another thing that has been weighing me down has been the impending move. I will, doubtlessly, be moving out of the state. The thought originally scared the bejeezus out of me, but I have grown comfortable with the idea and have actually come to look forward to it. Alexa and I are being pulled in many directions as to where we may end up. Almost my entire family is in Michigan and doesn't seem to be on the move. Alexa's family, however, has split south and west. Her sister, Faye, has been in California for a long time and is deeply rooted there. Alexa and I agree that California is a great place to visit but it isn't where we want to be permanently. Her parents have moved to North Carolina and I can definitely understand why Alexa would like to move there.

It has gotten to the point where we have decided that we don't want to move closer to family, simply to avoid seeming like we are playing favorites. I feel forgotten in this mess. My family is here. I would love to stay closer to them, but I know it's almost impossible with Michigan's constantly flagging economy. There are certainly benefits to living in all of the places, but there are also downsides.

We have, instead, turned our collective eyes to South Dakota. We have friends who have recently moved there and we really love them. They're a great couple and moving to a place with friends who have roots in the area is a definite plus.

My interview also went very well, as I mentioned in a previous post, and I now have that to concern me. I feel a little uncomfortable with the idea of getting the job knowing that I may be gone in a year.

Too many decisions, so little time.

Oh. And we still have to plan most of our wedding.

What What!

I had my first interview for the job at the Saline Reporter/Milan News Leader today. The job seems a bit daunting because of the workload. I think I can manage it, though. I'm pretty sure my answers were good for the questions I was asked. I can't say for sure.

I know I didn't try to make myself out to be something I'm not, which I'm grateful for. Sometimes, as Aaron of the Thousand Faces said, interviews can be stilted, fake interchanges, with both parties trying to portray themselves as something they aren't.

I could be getting a call for another interview with either someone from the head office or another sports writer from a different paper under the same banner. We'll see.

What what!

Look for me at book signings!

I am getting closer to beginning a book. I'm pretty excited. I have some ideas and I really hope it pans out.

Torrents are my new best friend.

I had a blast camping for the first time over the 4th of July holiday weekend. Although I adore modern amenities (i.e. plumbing), I really enjoyed my first experience. Apparently it wasn't the best place to camp in the whole world, but it made no difference to me. The people I went with made the experience one to remember. I'm sure I'll be camping more as life goes on, and I hope to do it with friends as great as the ones that stole my nature virginity. If that place was so bad, I can only imagine what a cool place would be like.

BTF is great. 74 will be hard to beat.

Occasionally I have a hard time having faith in the human race. A recent three-hour conversation with Alexa and Tyler only helped to confirm my despair. We talked about many topics, ranging from politics to rude comments from unsuspecting perpetrators (although sometimes those can go hand-in-hand). I was highly appreciative of Tyler's willingness to listen and respect opinions different from his own. I only hope I did the same.

I need a link.

Katie is back from his trip and I'm excited to hear what craziness ensued while he backpacked through Europe. Maybe it could be the basis for novel #2.

I have an interview next Thursday at the newspaper I interned for during the earlier part of the year. I truly hope I get the job. It's a sports writing position, which is what I would love to do for the rest of my life. Currently they haven't decided if they will fill the position once the current sports writer leaves, but I'm sure they will. It would be great experience for me. Fingers crossed.

Candor

The life I have been dealt has not been the easiest thing, but it hasn't been as hard as many others'. From a privileged perspective, I feel cheated.

Almost eight and half years ago I lost my dad. No, I didn't lose him in the clothes section of Sears or something. He was taken from me by what I believed to be the Hand of God. Later in life I would still believe it was the Hand of God, but not the merciful God I formerly believed in. It became the hated Hand of God. I damned him in my mind and heart. I still believe there is no reason he was taken from me. It was a massive heart attack. Atherosclerosis, the doctors call it. Hardening of the arteries.

Tim Russert died today of a heart attack, but that's not what made me think of this.

The death of my father led me into a dark time in my life. For more than two years I was self-pitying at times. At others, I was a denier. I denied everything. The only thing I couldn't deny was the fact that my dad would never come home again. To this day it's hard for me to think about because I don't want to remember what I'm missing.

Two years after my dad died I began dating Alexa. Our sixth anniversary is tomorrow, but that's not why I'm writing this.

Alexa has done more for me than she can know. I never did drugs. I never drank alcohol. I was, however, seeing no end to the pain in my heart. I had no one to talk to. My family has never been much about hugging or emotional support. My family never turned a cold shoulder, either. We just don't operate the way many other people do.

Just over six years ago, I let my feelings about life, the unfairness and cruelty of it, out to Alexa. I can never make her realize just how important that night was for me. Not only did I grieve for the loss of my father, but I also grieved for my grandmother. She had passed the year before. Of course, it was my mother's mother.

My mom has not had an easy life. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1997. She survived. I can't imagine life without her. Without her, my dad would surely have died sooner from the stress of raising four kids. My mom has shaped the way I look at life. The older I get, the more I see how alike we are. We deal with things in the same way; that is to say we cope and move on.

However, it is impossible to simply "move on" after the death of a parent, especially when that parent passes while you are still dependent on parents.

I will never feel completely healed (if you can call it that). I will forever miss my dad. Not only am I missing him, but he's missing out on me. I'm sure he would be proud of me. I've graduated college and am engaged to a wonderful woman. My life is shaping out to be a success and I just wish he could share in it. I never knew him as a man; I only knew him as the mythical creature that all parents are to adolescent kids. I knew he felt pain. I knew he felt joy. I did not, however, ever think he would die. Death before that experience was something that happened to other people, not me. I wish I had asked my dad more questions. I wish I could get to know him for who he was; his thoughts on politics, baseball, life in general. I'll never know.

I feel I've been cheated.

"When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time - the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes - when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she's gone, forever - there comes another day, and another specifically missing part." - A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving

Whatever happened to objectivity?

Journalists are supposed to be fair and objective. Their job is to report on what happened or is happening through interviews and facts. What has happened to that ideal?

Twenty-four hour news networks and the internet, that's what.

I'm not saying that the internet is a bad thing. In fact, it's great for finding news from around the world. However, too much of it is based on opinion and speculation rather than fact.

The 24-hour news networks (i.e. CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, CNBC) have perverted this ideal beyond comprehension. To name a few of the culprits on these channels: Keith Olbermann (MSNBC), Contessa Brewer (MSNBC), Bill O'Reilly (Fox News) Anderson Cooper (CNN). Each of these anchors is either completely full of him/herself or are just completely stupid.

I'll start with Anderson Cooper. He has this perpetually concerned look on his face. No matter what he's talking about, it concerns him. Everything. Even when he's on magazine covers he's concerned. I can't stand it.

Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly are perversions of journalism for the same reasons. Olbermann's show claims to be about news and its analysis, but it seems more like demagoguery to me. His opinion reigns supreme. O'Reilly's show is all about him letting the world know about his off-color and often ridiculous views on everything. He brow-beats guests and tells them their opinion is wrong. There is no fair exchange of opinion when it comes to O'Reilly-time on FOX. (Which is funny because FOX News claims to be "fair and balanced.") Olbermann is a funny guy; if you agree with his opinion (which I often don't). Rather than intelligently pointing to opponents shortcomings and flaws in their arguments, he attacks their grammar and fashion. That kind of behavior should have no outlet on a channel that is supposedly about news. Olbermann's sophomoric antics fit well with the fraternity-style reporting of ESPN (where he originated), but they are ill-placed in the realm of politics.

Contessa Brewer is just plain stupid. She often sticks her foot in her mouth. She shouldn't be on TV. Her show is not about news; it's about entertainment. This clip shows not only her inability to deal with guests that say something unexpected, it's also about the fact that they were running a story about PARIS HILTON. There is only one channel she should be on: E! Entertainment. This is only OK because the entire channel is dedicated to trash like her.

If you see any of these people on TV, I advise you to switch the channel. Or, better yet, turn the TV off.

These "news" networks often don't even break news. The idea of 24-hour news networks is preposterous. How can anyone fill up an entire day, every day, with news. There is a lot going on in the world, but not that much. These news networks are out of hand.

I will probably have more to say about this at a later date.

Best-Selling Author

I have an ambition to become a best-selling author. It will either be novels (probably those books that cost $14.95 in the Literature section of Borders and Barnes and Noble) or children's books.

Some of you may be thinking that it would be odd for me to do children's books since I generally dislike kids. However true that may be, it doesn't mean I can't make money off of them. But if it's to be children's books I need my three other accomplices (you know who you are) to help me come up with story ideas, characters and illustrations.

Look for me on bookshelves and book signings. I may even be on the idiot box because I wrote a book that changed the course of human thought.

Quantum Leap is a good show.

Visions of Paradise

It rained last Friday and I had a visit from God.

Late in my sleep cycle I dreamt I was in church. As I sat in the second pew from the front a person sitting next to me got up and interrupted the Rector during his sermon pleading to be confirmed. This sent the devil into the Rector.

He didn't yell. He didn't scream. He simply went on a tirade.

The new (or what I assumed to be new) topic of the sermon was about Sunday religiosity. His complaint was that people only want to do the various church ceremonies when it's convenient. They do this to say they have a relationship with God and feel better about themselves.

This dream was a portent of things to come. As I sat in the back of the church on Sunday (wide awake), the sermon began.

You see, last week was the annual St. John's Tiger Outing. At the end of May every year the congregation goes to a Detroit Tigers baseball game. (This is easily done, seeing as how the church is about 100 yards from Comerica Park.) Each year the church is packed on this day. It's like a religious holiday (see: Easter, Christmas).

The Rector began his sermon by pointing this fact out. The church was noticeably empty this week. He seemed to know that people would be gone. The disappointment was evident in his voice. However, he did make the present worshipers feel special by saying we were invited to the party being thrown by God (a.k.a. church).

To quote Genesis: Jesus, He knows me.

Frog Island beer puckers my face

So I actually did something yesterday. I went to a lacrosse game with my buddy Katie and Alexa. It was fun, I guess. I had no interest in the two teams playing, so that helps to dampen the excitement. I basically went because Katie coaches the South Lyon middle school lacrosse team and they were at the South Lyon high school playoff game and he asked me to go.

After that we all went to Sidetrack in Depot Town to see an old friend from Circuit City who now lives in Minna-snow-ta. That was definitely cool. I hadn't seen her since a wedding in September. I also saw a few more friends from the Circuit City days. That made the night even better. No crazy stories to relate from these excursions (aside from more proof that Katie might be gay...but I can't be sure).

Never drink Frog Island beer. It's horrible. Maybe it's made with water from the Huron River. Which is probably unsafe due to the high E. Coli content found throughout the watershed area. Which is the main reason Ann Arbor residents have to boil their water more often than other residents of SE Michigan. The ever-special Ann Arborites get their water from the Huron River while the rest of us get it from the Detroit River. (Don't get me wrong. The Detroit River probably isn't much better.) The main difference between the two rivers is the number of dams. These dams back up the water flow along the river, causing standing pools of water that breed E. Coli. It's disturbing. I also would not eat fish caught from the river. Swimming through that stuff can't make the fish a very healthy meal.

I love the Huron River. But don't make me drink its water.

Grilling is a treat. Don't do it in the winter. Asshole.

I found I might be going camping for the 4th of July. I'm excited. I've never been camping and I get to see some great friends I haven't seen for some time.

I'm currently reading a book by former Sports Illustrated columnist Rick Reilly. It's called Hate Mail From Cheerleaders. It's a great book. It's just a collection of 100 of his favorite columns. After reading one called "Nothing but Nets" I decided to donate some money to a cause. This is extremely unlike me. (Please read the article. It's only about 800 words.) See, I usually feel slightly motivated to do something to help someone else but I never follow through. This time I did and I feel pretty good about it. Sometimes helping someone is worth it.

NEW (as of May 27): I'm an idiot. Now the "Nothing but Nets" link actually works. Sorry

Coca-Cola is a teeth eroder

On Tuesday I went to see the Sword at the Magic Stick in Detroit. IT WAS LOUD. Loudest thing I've ever heard. My ears were ringing two days after the concert. I was actually a little scared for the health of my ears after day one. Every other concert I've ever been to has left me with ringing, but it only lasts one day maximum. This concert, however, left me partially deaf for a day and with ringing in day two. Even though it was loud, I really loved it.

My one gripe would be the poor sound quality. After listening to the two opening bands (both sucked) I figured out that every high note would take three years of hearing from me. The speakers also could not handle any high notes so it sounded horrible. That is the fault of the venue, not the bands. So I try not to complain too much.

It was awesome to see a band that is famous (in my eyes) so close for so cheap (only $12). If you're unfamiliar with the Sword but familiar with Guitar Hero II, they play "Freya." One of the guitar players even mingled with the crowd during the openers. It was pretty cool.

I helped a guy from Circuit City move yesterday. That was fun. I hadn't seen him for a couple of weeks and it was definitely nice to help him out. We got most of the heavy lifting done. He's moving in with another former Circuit City co-worker who is female, so I felt really helpful lifting the mattresses. If anyone who reads this is moving this summer, let me know. I would love to help.

I'm reading David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. It is a book I was supposed to finish for one of my classes last semester. I started and now I have to finish. It's torture. It seems like it will never end. So, on Thursday I decided I would start another book. I had borrowed Choke by Chuck Palahniuk from the library a few weeks ago, so that was the book I started around 11:30 a.m. I finished it around 2:30 a.m. Friday morning. I had never read a book in less than 24 hours before (unless it was a children's book). I felt quite accomplished after that. I'm now finishing up Matilda by Roald Dahl. I'm a reading machine.

Aside from that, life has been moving along. I definitely would not call it boring, but there hasn't been a whole lot of noteworthy going on. When I do something REALLY exciting, you'll all know.

One more video.

It is for you...but not for us...

Dear blog readers,

It has been awhile. I have done little. Still unemployed. Not looking for a job.

Why does everyone have to give me the craziest look when I say I don't have a job and that I will be married in a year? I know what's going on with my life and I know my money situation. I, unlike most post-college transients, have no debt. In fact, I came out in the black. I also live at home and I am doing my best to save the environment (not driving. Although that aspect of my life is not purely altruistic. It's hard to justify driving anywhere unless I absolutely have to with gas prices groping the underside of $4 a gallon.) I am okay. My wonderful fiancee is okay with me enjoying my summer. I wish people would not look at me like I'm an idiot. I'm not.

I now walk for an hour everyday without a destination in mind. Surprisingly, it brings back many memories. It is amazing how, in the five years it took me to finish my formal education beyond high school, I completely forgot about my neighborhood, the place I grew up. I hadn't been down some of these streets for at least 3 years. Absolutely amazing. Most things haven't changed. Some have (and not for the better, in most cases).

Candy Cane Park is a vast disappointment for me. I used to play Little League baseball there and some of my fondest memories reside on that dandelion-covered field. The disappointment is in the disrepair of the field. The city will not allow the kids and their families to clean up the field. The weekend before opening day was, traditionally, a day for the league to pick dandelions, fix the fences and rake the field among other things. Unfortunately for the kids playing on the field, the Union of Professional Park Lawn Mowers has caused a ruckus. They say the pre-opening day spring clean is taking their livelihood away. Yet, the field sits in constant disrepair. You can't complain about not having work if you're not going to do it anyway. Unions have outlived their usefulness in some aspects. That's my rant.

Back to walking the neighborhood. Today I walked down streets I walked everyday for 10 years. I essentially walked my the route I traversed to deliver papers. (Ironic that I will be the one writing in the paper after so diligently and professionally delivering for so many years.) It was a walk down memory lane. It brought back some sad memories, as well. Memories of my dad driving me along, yelling at me because I didn't wake up quick enough, betting that I couldn't reach the porch from a certain distance.

When I have kids, even though it's a pain for the parents too, I would like them to have a paper route. Or just a job that teaches them responsibility. Although I bitch about losing my childhood to the route, I see that it shaped my work ethic and helped me develop a sense of money and saving habits. The downside, I now see, is that I am reluctant to travel; seeing it as a way to spend money while not making it. I feel uncomfortable thinking about being in debt, not having that safety valve of a bank account to back me up.

The Candy Cane Park trip (which was actually yesterday), recalled images of Little League; the games, the season-ending picnic (which every year only marked the end of the regular season for me because I was a perennial All-Star. No big deal.), the trophy ceremony. I miss being younger, but even more than that, I miss knowing my dad would always be there for me, whether I was being a little shit (which I often was) or if I was being a decent little/older brother (which was not so often).

Sorry for the trip down memory lane. If it bored you, I hope you stopped reading (which makes this message obsolete). Also, sorry for the lack of links. This isn't a particularly link-y post. Unless of course you hate the links, which in that case, you're welcome.

Note on the title: Title of an improv jam from an unknown (too lazy to get up and look) disc of King Crimson's 4-disc box set, The Great Deceiver. No one will get, no one is meant to.

Everybody Poops!

Poop sculptures would be an amazing craft. Especially if said poop comes from a kitty from pretty kitty city. I, with the help of a fellow crafter, have determined a way to do this. There is this product that freezes poop and makes it easier for a pet walker to pick up excrement. Of course, frozen poop would be hard to mold so the poop must be fresh. While it is still malleable, the sculptor would mold it into the desired shape then freeze it. It would become hard and shippable, thus making for a perfect craft to be sent to family and friends. I’m sure poop could be crafted in many different shapes. For example: the Statue of Liberty, the Taj Mahal or even Boris Yeltsin. Poop crafting is an underappreciated art form. The supply is available at least once a day. Be a champion for change in the poop debate.

That was 150 words on poop sculpture.

I've been officially unemployed and graduated for almost one full week and it feels great. I've cleaned my room from top to bottom. It looks nicer. I finished a book. I've played a lot of Heroes of Might Magic 3. I plan on being slightly more productive for the rest of the summer, but we'll see. I need to lose 20 pounds in a year.

I just found out I like a song by Gomez. Which just means that I like even more of my sister's music. But I guess everyone listens to some good music now and then. Take Matt Costa for example. I liked him so much I even went to get his signature. I had a pretty good conversation with him, resulting in my offering him a drink. I never did buy him a drink. I'm sure he was pissed.

Death at a Funeral is a funny movie.

I was listening to Genesis today and remembered exactly why I like them so much. It's because of Peter Gabriel. I've listened to some of the stuff with Phil Collins as the lead man and I've found that he just isn't that good. I don't like Phil Collins. Peter Gabriel might be insane. Stand back!

I was not fired. There was just a lot of humduggery going on.

There really hasn't been a lot going on so far this summer. Some people just want me to blog. Apparrently I am that important. And, thank you for clamoring for more posts.

Sorry about doing two videos of the same song. The second has more PG insanity.

I was also going to post a link to a large poop, but after viewing many pictures of massive loads I decided against it.

WINTERIZE!

Unceremonious Endings

I'm not sure if was fired or if I quit.

Sounds like the beginning of a novel, right? Well, it's not. It's what happened to me today. (Although maybe I'll write a book with that as the opening line. I'm sure all of my faithful readers would buy it and make me rich.)

Friday was supposed to be my last day at Circuit Shitty, but I was alerted by my supervisor, Don "No More Tearsall" Piersall (originator of Tae Kwon Don) that my shift was taken care of. Sorry. Unfortunately that means I'm out $40. That's a full tank of gas. What the hell? I get no explanation. All I was told was to call the store manager, Josh, he of the Nospine-ites. I decided not to call him or go up to the store to talk to him. I figured it was his responsibility to tell me why I didn't have to work my final shift. It seems I may have stolen something. I don't remember doing it. In fact, I can't stomach people who steal. They're like bums. Get a job and pay for it. Honesty and integrity. That's the name of the game, son.

Apparently Josh saw something he didn't like on the security cameras. I have no idea what it could be. All I know is I don't work there anymore. Which is fine by me. It was never that great of a job anyway. The only thing that makes me nervous is what the status of my termination will be. Was I fired or did I quit? I don't know.

The other thing that bothers me is that Josh used Don, a person I respect and enjoy being around, as his little lackey mouthpiece. I figure if he (Josh) has an issue he should talk to me like a respectful human being would. Now I know respect is not taught in school these days (no offense to you school teachers), but it's not being taught at home either. Everyone wants to take the easy way out, even if it means being a complete douche.

The way this job ended sort of summed up my entire work experience at Circuit City (which, by the way, may be bought by Blockbuster. Desperation? They don't think so. They still have half a billion dollars in the bank.) I feel like I was being shit on from day one. It only got worse when I moved to the warehouse. The people I worked with were great, mostly. Managers and supervisors were almost universally shitty. I could go on forever about this place but I feel like I would bore most of you. So my mantra to make it through every day was, "Paycheck. Paycheck. Paycheck. I work with Straightback and Katie. Paycheck." Not exactly a job you want to keep forever, let alone four years.

I think I'll end this post the opposite way I ended my employment.

Enjoy!

How can you disconnect a writer from his work?

I came to some realizations in my class today. Instead of paying attention to what the professor was saying I was analyzing my other classes to find out why I like them more than others. It's taken me the whole semester to figure this out and coherently put it into words. Here it is.

Studies in the British Novel: We talk about characters in books as if they were real entities, like you and me, separate from the author, acting of their own volition. This is slightly frustrating because I don't believe you can talk about books separately from the author. Questions like "Is this the author speaking through the character or is this the authors voice?" make absolutely no sense. It is, of course, the author's voice. How could it be a character's voice when that character does not exist in any one's mind but the author? Of course, the character lives in other people's minds after they have read the book, but the character is still a figment of the author's imagination.

Major Authors (Mark Twain): We talk about the deep connection between an author and the text. This makes more sense to me since a text, no matter who writes it or what it's purpose is, is forever tied to the author's experiences and ideas. The questions in this class never deal with the characters as real people in the real world. The questions always focus on why the author chose to portray a character the way he/she did. Of course, it is easier in a class where we learn about the author as well as discuss what he has written, but it is no excuse to ever treat characters in a book as real people.

Anti-War Literature: In this class we treat characters as real people because, for the most part, they are/were real people. Most of the characters in these novels are based on people who experienced these situations. It is more like a history course than a literature course.

This post was more for my own well-being than to entertain. The other ones gave me a chance to comically convey what happened to me in that given day. This one is acting as a therapeutic exercise for my mind. I needed to explain to people how I feel about these classes and the way they approach literature. Please let me know what you think of these different approaches and if you agree or disagree with me on the way I feel about them.

I hope my next entry will be a return to humorous ramblings and awesome links. Which reminds me: I put the links into the blog hoping everyone who reads this (all two of you) will go to the links. I think they spruce up and increase the intended hilarity.

Goats, Eve and Cold Soccer

I did something interesting today!

I milked a goat. It wasn't that big of a deal or anything. I just grabbed the teat and squeezed. Out came milk. I starved a young goat. All in a days work.

My buddy, who I call Katie, brought a goat from a friends farm for a project in one of his Curriculum courses at EMU. The whole thing was awesome. I felt like Bob Barker's women on the The Price Is Right or Vanna White. I'm not sure who I would want to be, though. Vanna White can fit through a straw, but she has to work with Pat Sajak. Barker's women (I'm currently passing on an awesome name for them for the sake of decency. It rhymes with Barker's Witches), have to get plastic surgery to fill out their dresses, but they get to work with Bob Barker. I can't decide.

There was goat poop everywhere. Some people stepped in it. I tried to stop them, but they were drawn by my beauty and paid with poop on their shoe. Oh, well. The price of beauty is always the right price. I guess that answers my earlier question. Being part of Barker's harem is better than being Ms. White. Go figure.

The aforementioned baby goat was awesome. It was so loud and it hated pavement. I wanted it. But then I remembered it grows up and I decided I don't have the means to take care of it. Katie was decked out in farmer's gear. But not real farmer's gear. More like Abercrombie and Fitch farmer's gear. Except not nearly as gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). And he was wearing his shirt.

The rest of the day was not as eventful as the goat experience. But I did make a connection between two of my classes, which, of course, I did not voice in my class for fear of being wrong or mistaken about my connection. We're reading A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce and I connected an image of a woman he was gazing at with Mark Twain's depiction of Eve. I could be way off-base, but it sure sounded alike to me. The more I think about it the more I wish I had said something. It could have been a profound moment. Maybe next week.

I ended my eventful day with a trip to Saline to cover the girls varsity soccer game for the Saline Reporter. It was cold, windy and rainy. I'm too smart for my own good and I defeated Mother Nature's attempt to make me miserable. The game was being played on the football field and I took advantage of...wait for it, wait for it...the PRESS BOX. Who would have thought I could be so brilliant. I guess that's what happens when you read a book or two.

Profounder is a word.

That's what happened today. Hopefully I jazzed it up enough to make it seem a little more interesting than it actually was, barring the goat incident. That really was awesome.

Oh. And I apologize for the half-naked man picture. It was unnecessary, but it gave me a laugh.

Letters From The Earth

So, I'm starting a blog which I'm sure everyone will read and become addicted to and begin stalking me and you will all know everything about me and I will become the biggest celebrity the world has ever known.

But, of course, that's just untrue. I'm starting a blog because, like most people, I believe my friends want to know more about me than they already do. I'm not sure if this is true, but we'll see.

This morning marked an end to a stage in my life and a realization that I'm growing up. I put in my two weeks notice at Circuit City. I've worked there for almost 1/5 of my life. There have been some good times and some great times. I can't say there have been any horrible times, just frustrating times. I'm happy to be done there and get on with what I believe will be my career. I'll be freelancing for the Saline Reporter/Milan News-Leader/Ypsilanti Courier for the summer and maybe beyond. I'm also graduating in two weeks. Hurrah.

I turned down a job opportunity in Owosso, MI (near Flint, MI) because I'm going to take the summer off. I decided a job can wait considering I'll be doing that for the rest of my life. Instead, I will take this opportunity to travel, read and get to know my friends better by actually hanging out with them.

If you're interested the name of my blog came from Samuel Clemens (or Mark Twain). He wrote a story (never published in his lifetime) called The Chronicles of Young Satan. I decided to go with Stan instead of Satan, figuring I would a.) scare people away, or b.) make people think I was some Goth cutter or something.

This story of Twain's was eventually published under the name No. 44, The Mysterious Stranger. You can get an idea of what the book is like by following this here link. I'm taking a Major Authors course at Eastern Michigan University focusing on Mark Twain. It's absolutely one of the best classes I've ever had with one of the best teachers around. I think I've become addicted to Mark Twain.

That's it for today. An uneventful way to end the blog, but I hope that by leaving it without a tidy wrap-up you, dear reader, will come back for more.