The Colony of Slipperman

This post is another one to fill my four-a-month quota. I'm ashamed to say that I've been slacking. Hopefully you will enjoy these photos.

This is Scampi. I love you Ashley.








This is me "blogging."








Smap.








Tired, anyone?








Blogging? Nope. Listening to a funny song.

Her hair was colored bright and she had white marble eyes. She will die.

So...I'm working all day next Tuesday. Am I going to vote? Probably not. Why? It's a sham. My vote for the president doesn't count. No matter how many celebrities, talking heads and friends tell me it does; it doesn't. The electoral college chooses the next president. Sure they "pledge" to vote the same way the people of the state do. It's baloney. They're human, too. And, so far, I haven't met anyone who doesn't have a clear idea of who they want to be the next president. I'm sure the people of the electoral college are in the same boat. People will do what they want. No one can stop anyone on the E.C. from voting whichever way they please. These people are called faithless electors. There have been 174 of them in history. Now, this number may not seem like a lot, but I figure one who changes their vote is one too many. How am I supposed to have faith in these people? They're just as bad as the people running for president.

I don't feel strongly enough on any of the other items on Michigan's ballot, either. Why should I take the time to vote? I'm working from 7:45 a.m. to about 6:00 p.m. Then I have to make the annoying 20 minute drive home. My vote won't sway who becomes president, anyway.

"But, Kevin, it's your responsibility as a citizen of this country to vote," you say.

Okay. It's my right to vote. Sure. It's also my right to have a pet giraffe. Doesn't mean I have to, though.

Rights don't necessarily go away if I don't use them. Maybe I'll vote in the next election. Maybe I won't. We'll see if there's anything I care about in that one.

Also, Congress could have pulled us out of this war long ago if they were so inclined. I know George Bush went over their heads to get us in this war. But Congress could have slapped him with the big balance of power thing.

I feel like I've been holding my tongue for fear of offending anyone who doesn't agree with me. Frankly, I'm a bit tired of it. My past experiences have led me to believe that even my opinion doesn't count one bit. Any time something has come up I don't agree with I usually clamp my mouth shut and refuse to say a word because I know the person who is "talking" about whatever issue doesn't want to have a discussion. They simply want to let everyone know how they feel. I don't give a shit about how other people feel. Yet, I'm subjected to the constant torture of having to listen to views I completely disagree without having a chance to defend myself. If I offer my dissenting opinion I'm shouted down. More often than not with an insult or two aimed my way.

My understanding of the definition of a douche is: someone who is extremely full of himself (almost always male), whether it be about his body, mind or both. This is a douche. He might be funny, but he's still a douche. This is also a douche.

And what's the deal with campaign spending? All parties are guilty of it. Obama had a 30-minute commercial airing on Fox, NBC and CBS last night. It was even on Detroit's local Spanish language channel. It cost him $3 million. Oh wait, I'm sorry. My mistake. It cost his donors $3 million. Couldn't (and shouldn't) that money be shunted to more important things affecting this country. Imagine what $3 million dollars could do for a school. Or a library. If anything, it should be given to the government to go against the national debt. I know it wouldn't make even the slightest dent, but why is it going into the ever expanding coffers of three of the four major TV networks. Holy crap! It's not just him, but it is a fact that Obama has spent the most on advertising in the history of politics. This is opening a door that should never have even been found. The next presidential election will, no doubt, have even more astronomical advertising costs. Give me a break!

What's up with celebrities? Why do I need to know or care what you think about politics? Just because you have money I'm supposed to care that you think Sarah Palin is something out of a "scary Disney movie?" Seriously? I know I don't have to watch clips of what these people say, but why do they even say it at all? They are surely trying to sway the way people think. And some people will listen. Grow a brain! Think for yourself. Figure out the issues and figure out which way you want to vote. "Rock the Vote?" Why should I listen to Diddy? All of these people are out there trying to push these political views on us. It's ridiculous. In 2004 there was a huge tour with many bands. The sole purpose of this concert was to push people to vote for Kerry. This year Bruce Springsteen was at Eastern Michigan University for a free concert. Turns out he played for about 30 minutes, then went on a tirade about McCain and told people to vote for Obama. (On a side note: I believe if you like Bruce Springsteen you shouldn't be allowed to vote.)

Why are second graders wearing political t-shirts? Oh my God! They can't even vote. Some of them can barely read!!! But I'm so glad their parents feel it's necessary to have them wearing a shirt about a candidate they surely know nothing about. Or, if they do know something about him, they aren't getting a fair picture. They're listening to what their parents are saying and simply agreeing with them. Oh boy...and we thought only conservatives "brainwashed" their kids.

Socialism (as defined by m-w.com): 1: any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods.

2 a: a system of society or group living in which there is no private property b: a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state.

3: a stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between capitalism and communism and
distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done.

Communism (as defined by m-w.com): 1 a: a theory advocating elimination of private property b: a system in which goods are owned in common and are available to all as needed.

2 (capitalized) a: a doctrine based on revolutionary Marxian socialism and Marxism-Leninism that was the official ideology of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics b: a totalitarian system of government in which a single authoritarian party controls state-owned means of production c: a final stage of society in Marxist theory in which the state has withered away and economic goods are distributed equitably d: communist systems collectively.

A wisp of gossamer is all that remains

Alexa and I took our engagement pictures last Saturday. I had a really good time doing it, too. Usually I hate being in front of a camera. I think it's mainly because I hate the way I look in pictures (see: too stiff, fake smile, just plain uncomfortable). It was nice to have someone else to be in the pictures with. And we were able to be ourselves to some extent. The person taking the photographs is a friend of Alexa's, which just made the experience much more enjoyable. Also, the pictures aren't all artsy-fartsy and we didn't have to go into a studio. I think I kind of dislike studios.

Never let your child smoke cigarettes. When they say it smells good the correct response is not "here try it" in the hopes it will turn the kid off smoking. It apparently doesn't always work.

I can play six chords on the six-string guitar. Thank you, Melany, for a great present.

Deleted scenes on "The Office" might be the best part of the show. Without them I would never know that Confucius says, "Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day."

I'm picking up substitute teaching jobs left and right. I just hope no other kids deliberately pee their pants.

9 days until the beard makes it's triumphant return.

Can you see the two mistakes in the previous sentence?

My hand is in my pocket.

I hope you left enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break you god damn s-s-spine!

I did my first bit of substitute teaching today. It was at Honey Creek for a K/1 classroom. For those of you not in the know, each class has split grades (e.g. K/1, 2/3, 4/5 and middle school). Little kids are difficult sometimes. I can't wait to sub the middle schoolers and high schoolers.

The one thing I did like about the younger age group was that if I raised my voice just a little bit they would quickly quiet down and listen to me.

The first half of the day went well. I had no idea what I was doing but many teachers poked a head in and told me that if I needed help they would gladly give it to me. I really appreciated that. Especially since I needed to call on one of them later in the day.

I knew half of the kids from my time at aftercare, which I'm sure helped. Most of the kids I didn't know I barely had to speak to. The more structured times of the day seemed to work best. They all complained about doing work, but they all seemed content to do it.

At lunch a child, LK, showed up. If you know who I'm referring to you may know that the day did not continue on its smooth course.

After my relaxing lunch I went to pick up the kids from recess. Right away LK was creating trouble. TH was supposed to be the caboose of the line but LK would not let him be at the end. He just kept circling around TH. I already knew I was in for a trip. When we arrived back in class things seemed to be fine. Word Study (structured) went smoothly. However, when Free Choice Time (extremely unstructured) came around things went to Hell.

LK kicked things other children had built, almost got into fisticuffs with another student and just ran out of class. I employed the help of Jeanie, the instructional assistant next door. Without her I may have gone nuts.

With LK out of the room I was able to restore order and finish the day without too much of a problem. TH tried to kiss girls and would not keep his hands to himself, so he finished most of the rest of the day in timeout. Timeout is the greatest invention. Ever. I hate to say it but I was getting a real kick out of disciplining the children. Nothing is better than wielding the awesome power of timeout. Also, I've been told, being a male instantly strikes fear into the hearts of children. I will admit to seeing a look of "I just shit myself" when I raised my voice and got stern with the kids.

I worked aftercare after the subbing and I must say I think I enjoy it a bit more. Recess is my favorite part of the day and aftercare is one big recess.

I started reading a book called "Fairest" by Gail Carson Levine (she wrote "Ella Enchanted") at the suggestion of a camper, NK. This girl is reading at least three books at a time. I told her I would read a book at the same time as her and we could talk about it. She seemed genuinely excited to do this project with me. She even reminded me last week to get the book. I enjoy being friends with these kids and I think by doing so I'm making them happy and turning them into better people. Of course, my influence probably doesn't go anywhere near that far, but I'd like to think so.

As I was leaving I was given a hug by NK. It threw me for a loop at first, but I was pretty tickled with the experience. It was nicer than being hugged by a little kid because they seem to hug everyone. Coming from an older kid it was a genuine act of, for lack of a better word, affection.

Also, last weekend I went up north to a friend's cabin in Millersburg, MI. It was pretty great. Since it was fairly cold we ended up watching five Arnold Schwarzenegger movies over the course of three nights. Arnold has been in some of the greatest movies. T2 and Total Recall are must-see fare.

On the way up my buddy's GPS unit told us to go down what we later dubbed Serial Killer Alley. It was the single-most scary event of my life. I really thought we were going to killed by either a deer or a serial killer. I had never experienced total blackness like I experienced in Millersburg. While driving down Serial Killer Alley, which is about 15 miles of ATV trails posing as roads, we both freaked out to the point of just driving in silence. Each turn was a blind turn and we could not see past the brush/trees on either side of the car. The stupid GPS even told us to turn down a road that did not exist. I truly thought I would shit myself. As we slowly made the turn we realized that there was no road and we could have ended up in a ditch or worse.

We left the same way on Sunday during daylight hours. We just had to see what it really looked like. I now realize I was acting like a complete idiot to be so scared.

We also made a trip to the Ocqueoc Falls, just north of Millersburg. They weren't super spectacular, but they were definitely nice to look at and they provided us with an hour and a half adventure of following a pseudo-trail along the river.

And Onaway, MI was dubbed, by us, America. It is America personified.

All in all, I've had a fairly eventful four days.